Alright. I went 10-6 last week on my predictions but in my defense this is a rather strange year for the NFL. The Patriots are 2-2 and aren’t even in the playoff picture right now? What world is this? It looks like a parallel dimension at this point. This week however, we have some interesting matchups, some make or break games, and certainly a few close games that are tough to call. I will do my best as we look to week 5 and I lay down what to expect when you wake up on Tuesday morning.
NE @ TB
Rip on the Patriots defense all you want, I know they won’t be that bad for the entire season. The Patriots suffered a tough home loss to the Panthers last week and to add to that injury, the Panthers offense was slacking until that game. Now you can say Newton found his groove and all but it certainly helps to play against a defense that’s allowing the most points per game. The home team for Thursday night is the Buccaneers. Tampa Bay has proved impressive on both sides of the ball so far this year with Mike Evans making great catches, Winston honing his quarterback skills, and the defense not allowing an atrocious amount of scoring. I certainly see a playoff spot for the Bucs this year, but its their turn to be 2-2. Patriots will take a vengeful road win, 34-21.
BUF @ CIN
I really want to say how bad Buffalo is but they keep proving they’re damn good this year and won’t be the butt of my jokes. Cincinnati certainly hasn’t had any problem providing an absolutely pathetic performance repeatedly until finally gaining steam through a victory. A victory over the fucking Browns. Come on. The Bengals offense is trash. Their defense is at least solid but that can’t win this game alone. Buffalo wins on the road, 28-13.
NYJ @ CLE
Are you really going to bet on Cleveland? Save your money, and just go straight to bashing your head against a brick wall. The Browns are trash. The Browns have been trash. The Browns will continue to be trash. I don’t need stats or records or history to prove my point about this game. The Jets (despite sucking ass) will walk away with a win, 35-17.
CAR @ DET
I’m not an angry New England fan. I don’t hate Carolina and I don’t blame them for winning last week. I’m actually glad to see them returning to their former state of greatness. Detroit on the other hand, is kicking some serious ass this season. Stafford took his new contract seriously and is out there to prove he earned that damn money. I look forward to this game and I think its going to be a tough battle on both sides. I will however, ultimately take Detroit for this one. Lions with a win at home, 17-14.
SF @ IND
Backup behind Tom Brady versus back behind Tom Brady. Funny how that happens around the league isn’t it? Anyway, this isn’t going to be an entertaining game. Not that either team is fantastic but ultimately this comes down to the better quarterback in my opinion and that is Jacoby Brissett. Neither defense is necessarily stellar, the running game is decent(ish) on both sides, so I see this coming down to the men under center. Colts win at home, 24-14.
TEN @ MIA
Two weeks ago, this was a very easy pick. That is no longer the case. Miami has fizzled out and proven they are basically trash and that is mostly due to the crap QB they signed. Cutler is a cancer. They got absolutely demolished by the Saints last week and had absolutely zero points scored. On the other side, you have the Titans who not only got abused by a rookie quarterback, they lost their star to injury. With Mariota down for the count, the Titans have decided to sign Brandon Weeden. Weeden? That’s the best you can do? That makes it hard to pick the Titans. I hate to do this, but I have to pick the Dolphins. Call me crazy, but isn’t it about time Ajayi bust some moves and get me some god damn fantasy points? Miami wins at home, 24-13.
LAC @ NYG
The battle of the 0-4’s. Makes me sick. The Giants offense took a few weeks to actually pick themselves up and play a decent game but then their defense didn’t hold up. Rivers and company are basically the same damn story. This will probably disappoint fantasy owners everywhere to be honest. The Chargers are probably pissed off because they move to LA and LA doesn’t even hate them, they just don’t care. The Giants are not big fans of being 0-4 and are most likely equally pissed. I don’t like the Giants. I don’t like Eli Manning. Vegas has them as 3 point favorites this week. Fuck you Vegas for making me do this, New York wins at home, 30-27.
ARI @ PHI
What has happened to the Cardinals? They used to be such a force to be reckoned with. Always a shoe in for the playoffs and always a team you want to beat. This year they’re just lackluster and make a handful of highlight worthy plays. Philadelphia however has been decently hot. Carson Wentz is definitely coming into his own and making some great throws. Blount finally played like himself this past week. A year or two ago I would’ve never done this, but I’ll take the Eagles at home, 34-21.
JAX @ PIT
Alright Jacksonville, I’m on to you. You ultimately still blow, but some weeks you find the right drugs and you get amped up and actually do something on the field. Not this week you won’t! You won’t get me this time you bastards. The Jaguars may have finished with the 6th overall defense last season, but that will not stop the onslaught of the Steelers. Pittsburgh’s defense isn’t too shabby either but the real difference makers are Roethlisberger, Brown, Bell. Get ready for an ass whooping. Steelers win at home, 42-17.
SEA @ LA
Well fuck me. Since when is this a tough pick? Seattle has a struggling offense this year and the defense finally found their style and got into order. On the other hand, you have a Rams defense that isn’t too bad itself, but the big guns are Todd Gurley and Jared Goff. These two young bucks are really starting to make names for themselves this year. That team up is reminiscent of Brady and White in the playoffs last year except that Gurley is a better running back than White. Ultimately I think it boils down to the home team having a statement to make. I will pick the Rams at home, 34-17.
BAL @ OAK
God damn it! Why do Mariota and Carr have to get hurt together? What strange link do they have? Thankfully, I picked up Alex Smith after Week 1 because no one in my fantasy league was smart enough to do so. Stil, this means the Raiders are turning to Manuel to lead the offense and Lynch to save it. The Raiders defense is going to have to really hold tight and luckily they’re going up against a mediocre offense lead by Flacco. The Ravens could not pull it off at home against the Steelers and I don’t necessarily blame them but they don’t look like they did in recent years. I used to legitimately fear their defense. Now? I’m going to pick Oakland’s backup QB to get the job done in tandem with Beast Mode. Oakland wins at home, 21-14.
GB @ DAL
I don’t really have any stake in this game. I’m actually a fan of both of these teams and I respect the talent that both sides have to offer. On the Packers you have the seasoned and certified future hall of fame QB Aaron fucking Rodgers and a mean defense lead by the vicious Matthew Clay. On the Cowboys, you have the returning #1 seed of the NFC and two second year players that impressed the fuck out of all of us last year. Zeke is getting back to his level last year and Prescott remains determined to lead Dallas to the postseason again. I’m going to enjoy watching this game for sure. I will take the Packers on the road in a heated matchup, 31-27.
KC @ HOU
Holy shit! Deshaun Watson EXPLODED last week. An absolutely stunning performance from the rookie QB who is showing he is the future of the Texans offense. Houston had a field day with the Titans last week and will want to continue that trend. Sadly, they are facing arguably the best team in the football currently. I love my Patriots and I don’t always say that game records mean a team is the best but look at these fucking Chiefs. You can’t ignore the performances they have delivered week after week. Kansas City makes damn sure to get the W no matter what it takes and they have an impressive rookie of their own in Kareem Hunt. Houston has a shot this year, but they will not survive this visit. Chiefs go to 5-0 in Houston with a 30-14 win.
MIN @ CHI
I like Trubisky and I’m glad he is being given his chance to start. I look forward to seeing what he brings to the table on Monday Night Football. The Vikings have their own quarterback issues as well with Keenum currently listed as the starter while Bradford remains day-to-day. The Vikings defense is formidable and will present a challenge to Trubisky and Jordan Howard. Keenum isn’t completely useless either and could still perform well thanks to being able to throw to Diggs. Ultimately, this will end up as a disappointing home game for Bears fans. Vikings win on the road, 35-24.
That’s what I got for you this week. Thanks as always for checking out my post. Do me a solid and share it with your friends and family. Follow all of our social media on the home page and check back in on Tuesday for my recap of just how accurate I turn out to be.